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In case you missed it, we’ve added an Instagram account! After you’ve read this week’s post, follow @thenewnuclearblog to see what we’re up to in between blog posts. You’ll get a chance to see a day in the life of our family, where you can see what’s happening at our home in Colorado, and what Dennis is up to in DC.
In this post, we answer the often-Asked question:
How do you keep from missing your long distance love?
And the answer is...
You don’t.
.
.
.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Sorry, everyone.
I wish I had a magic wand to make missing your love turn into something more positive, like, burning calories. But the fact is, this person is part of what makes you a family. They’re part of you! Of course you’ll miss them. Especially right after a visit where you’ve spent quality time connecting, and it may be weeks until you get to see them again.
But don’t worry. There ARE ways to make the heartache of missing your love a bit more bearable.
In fact, I found the most important way without even realizing it
During Dennis’s last visit home a couple of months ago (because remember, the last visit was our meet-in-the-middle road trip so he didn’t come home that month), we dropped him off at the airport only to go immediately to a sparring training session for Jack. We were there for a couple of hours, needed to stop by the grocery store on the way home, and by the time we got home it was showers, dinner, and bed because school hadn’t yet ended for summer.
During that time, Dennis texted or called to let us know each stage of his progress: He’s on the plane (we refer to this text message as the “butt’s in seat” text), landed at Dulles, and safely back at the apartment.
But it was only after I was lying in bed that it sunk in: “Oh yeah, we were with him this morning but now he’s not here anymore.” By then, I was too tired to do anything but fall asleep. And by the next morning, we were back in our routine.
That’s when I decided that I will always have something scheduled immediately after he leaves in order to keep us busy enough that my heart didn’t have to accept his departure all at once. Sure, it might hit me later, but would be a little more bearable by then.
So my number one recommendation for easing the pain of missing your love is
Stay Busy!
Especially right after a visit.
Our family stays very busy due to school and taekwondo. Currently, Ben trains once a week and occasionally helps with classes. I train twice a week and help teach once a week. Jack, on the other hand, is a whole ‘nother beast. He trains 3 or 4 times a week, teaches once a week, and goes to a scrimmage once a week. Then he works out in between. And he is 16 now, but doesn’t have his license yet. He is too focused on training for Nationals which is happening in July, and then we’ll see after that.
As if that’s not enough, starting in August, our training ramps up for our next level testing and graduation in November: I’ll be testing for my first degree black belt, and the boys will be testing for their second degree black belts. Oh and, school starts back and all but one class of Jack’s are at the local community college.
Okay so yes, we stay unusually busy, even me who doesn’t work. So, what are other ways to keep yourself occupied?
1. Work
My husband’s career is why our family is apart. So, when we’re apart, work is Dennis’s focus. He works hard, he may work long days, he may travel. But when he’s here or on visits with us, he doesn’t work. Unless he’s here working from home! I don’t work, but for those who do, why not plunge yourself into work? Especially if you don’t have children or they are older. Work hard and keep moving up! Make a name for yourself! Be completely satisfied in knowing that, when you take time off work to spend with your love, you have earned it 10 times over. Earn those vacation days and that extra money that you can spend on visits or trips. You and your love deserve it!
2. Learn
School may be the very reason that you and your love are not together at the moment. Use that time to throw yourself into your schoolwork. It takes your mind off missing your love and hopefully rewards you with good grades, a better job, or a degree! Maybe your school years are in the past, but you want to learn something new? What a better time to enroll in some classes? At least one “at home wife” I know who is in a long distance family is doing just that. Her kids are in college, so she decided to return as well. If I’m being honest, school wasn’t for me then, and isn’t for me now. But since I’m married to someone who would go to school every day for the rest of his life if he could, because he absolutely loves learning new things that much, I admire it so much!
If, like me, school is not for you, learn a new skill. Read all you can find about a topic that interests you. I’ve gotta tell you, I love documentaries and based-on-true-stories shows and movies. I’ve recommended Chernobyl on HBO to anyone who will listen. Since watching it, I’ve read anything I could find on it. And now I’m an expert! (Self-proclaimed)
3. Children
Immerse yourself into developing the healthiest, happiest kids you know. And I’m not just talking about your children, but maybe it’s your grandchildren, or your nieces or nephews. Play with them, read to them, volunteer with their school, sports or other activities. Teach them a new skill, or better yet, let them teach you!
4. Friends
Re-connect or make new friends. I accept that the internet and mainly social media, has made it so much easier for us to be shut-ins. Why go complain to my neighbor about her dog that won’t shut up when I could post it to our neighborhood Facebook page? (Okay, I would never do that but you would not believe how many of those I see.) Or, sure it’s easy to say, “Let’s grab coffee!” via email, but what about actually making time for it?
At the same time, look at how much easier it is for us to stay connected with friends we thought we’d never see again? Or to find new friends who live nearby, and share the same interests? Get out there and socialize! Meet for that coffee, go for walks, go have drinks, have an active and fulfilled social life! You could be missing out a friend or an opportunity of a lifetime. Then, you’ll have even more to talk about when your long distant love calls than the usual daily minutiae.
5. Home projects
If it weren’t for Dennis working out of town, my photos would not be perfectly organized in albums, both leather-bound (pre-2007) and on a hard drive (post-2007). One of my projects has been converting all of our VHS tapes and whatever those small camcorder tapes that look like cassettes are called (Hi-8?), onto DVDs. With him gone, I also wouldn’t have realized my love for painting. In fact, I am planning to paint the entire interior of the house soon. The only thing holding me back is thinking of all the furniture I need to move away from the walls. To me, these are necessary tasks that are not difficult, and are pleasant to me, and help keep my mind occupied.
6. Hobbies
I’m not crafty or artistic at all. I feel like I’ve failed both my sweet grandmothers’ legacies. One was an amazing pianist who, not only played both piano and organ for her church, but also gave lessons to those who had the patience and desire to learn (i.e., not me). The other grew and canned every fruit and vegetable imaginable, was the most amazing cook and seamstress, and even made all the puppets for her church. When Cabbage Patch Kids came out and her granddaughters couldn’t afford them, she figured out how to make suitable replicas for each of us, that we treasured dearly. And BOTH of them made multiple quilts a year.
I can follow a recipe, and sew on a button. We grew a pretty respectable garden when we lived in Kentucky. And I learned how to make lye soap!
Impressed with those who can paint their own art to hang, I tried my hand at it. Yeah, there are no artistic genes in this DNA. But I have found some cool paint-by-numbers sets on Amazon, and let me tell you, I now have painted a decent version of Van Gogh’s Starry Night, a pretty cool looking peacock, and I still have an Eiffel Tower I need to tackle. And I’ve found something that fully relaxes me!
This blog is a new hobby for me! If I’m not sitting down to write a new post, I’m improving old posts, updating the Instagram account, or thinking about what to write next. Dennis is learning how to create the digital art, and we’ve found something new that we both enjoy.
Hobbies don’t have to be artistic. Your hobby could be exercise like running, weight-lifting, or yoga. Or martial arts with the kids, like me! You could cook, read books or binge watch a show. Anything that you enjoy and engages you so much that it takes your mind off missing your love.
7. Plan your next visit
While not exactly a way to stay busy, it’s still a very important step you must take before you depart from your current visit. Planning your next visit will give you both something to look forward to, and you won’t have to stress about trying to squeeze it in later. Pick the dates, flights or drive, who’s traveling where, and put it on the calendar and make the visit a priority. Sure, the dates may have to change due to an important commitment such as work, and that’s fine. But immediately discuss and re-schedule your visit.
I’m sorry I’m not able to help you miss your long distance love any less, but I hope you’re able to find something enjoyable that helps you pass the time in between, like I have. And I’m curious to know what others do to pass the time? Contact us so we’ll learn additional ways to pass the time and can share them with others!
Coming Up...
We have some exciting adventures in the near future and are excited to share them with you, such as: Ben’s first solo flight to see Dennis! Another meet-in-the-middle journey for a taekwondo tournament! And the longest we’ve ever been apart when one of us goes to India for a month! Who will it be? Stay tuned to find out!
You are amazing! I am a Military wife of 20+ years and your story hits home in so many ways. The best thing is to keep busy during the time away. I love your many suggestions. I look forward to reading more. Especially about how Jack does at nationals.
Thank you! I was certain that military spouses would relate, but you are the first who has confirmed it and that makes me happy. When you subscribe for updates, you’ll get an email every time there’s a new post. I will definitely provide updates on Nationals!