Welcome to our first blog post about our
long distance family!
If you haven’t already read Start Here, just like the title suggests, it’s a great place to start. It helps explains the long distance family (LDF) life that we currently live.
The first couple of blogs are going to be all about us, and will explain how we ended up in our current long distance family situation. After you’re thoroughly sick of our family’s history, we’ll start experimenting with & documenting different ways for us to connect, so that others who are in LDRs (long-distance relationships) or LDFs (long distance families, like us) can hopefully benefit as well.
One more thing before I jump into our history: Our younger son, Ben, says I should explain this blog’s title, Show Me the Bluegrass. He says not everyone will know that Missouri is the Show-Me state, and Kentucky is the Bluegrass state, even though they should get the Jerry Maguire “show me the money” reference. He assured me that once that was clear, everyone would love the title. Thanks, Ben!
Our History: Part 1
How We Became a Long Distance Family
Many pounds and wrinkles ago, back when we first started dating, we often fantasized about traveling; and not just for vacations, but actually having a career that would require us to live in different locations. We even pictured living a simple life out of an RV, but getting to see more of the country than either of us saw growing up in the Midwest, where vacations usually meant driving to the homes of different relatives who also lived in the Midwest. Dennis was the only one who ever traveled outside of the country, and that was to Saudi Arabia during the Gulf War.
"A wedding in Hawaii. Real Original!"
In case you don’t recognize it, my “Wedding in Hawaii” quote is from one of my favorite movies: Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It always pops into my head when I think of our wedding. It helps that this movie is one of my “funk” movies. Even when I’m in a funk, the unavoidable laughter brings me back in no time! Okay, back on topic…
We were off to a great start with our travel goals when we got married in Hawaii!
No one but us, the officiant and her videographer husband, and their ukulele-playing singer. Hawaii was certainly nothing like the midwest, and we spent the entire week trying to figure out ways to live there.
Once we returned to our apartment in St. Louis, it was back to work. Dennis worked in construction, and I worked in IT. Both of us were successful, hard working employees who advanced quickly, which meant better pay. We promised ourselves that even though we weren’t relocating to Hawaii, we would take an annual vacation at the very least, and consider the RV for retirement.
Soon, we bought a house in the suburbs, with school districts and property values at the top of our criteria. Then came the kids! A couple of boys, two years apart, and the center of our universe.
The kids could have attended an ivy league college with the money we were paying for daycare. The grandparents were nearby ready to swoop in for emergencies; such as illnesses, snow days, days we worked late and weeks we traveled for work.
After just a few years, we upgraded to a bigger home. By this time we both had more work responsibilities, and were well paid but very stressed. The kids were in elementary school full time, including before and after care, with the grandparents retired and still on standby. Everyone was happy, and that’s all that mattered. That’s what we told ourselves, at least.
Work, work, work
When we were both stressed or overwhelmed, we’d have conversations about how nice it would be for one of us to stay home. And that meant either me or my husband, who never gave a second thought to being a stay-at-home dad. Our salaries were pretty equal, and we knew one or the other could be much higher if the other could stay home to manage the house and kids allowing the other to take on even more responsibility at work.
Then one day, Dennis asked if I would mind if he looked around for something new. Construction jobs in his field were dwindling and paying less, and he asked how I would feel if he looked outside of St. Louis. I told him I was onboard. My company had offices all over the country, and my job could, realistically, be done remotely if it came down to it. But we’d need the kids’ approval first.
Kansas City Commute
Until this point in their short lives, they assumed St. Louis would always be their home. They already knew where they would attend high school, and who their friends would most likely be. Since we kept our word and vacationed annually, which by this point included two international trips for them, they were more open to the thought of relocating than we prepared ourselves for. Even if it meant leaving their hometown.
After sending out 75 resumes, Dennis received a perfect offer: Still in construction, but in more of a leadership role. This first job away from home was a great transition for what was to come. It was in the Kansas City area, only a four hour drive away, which allowed him to be home every weekend. It was still difficult, though. I still worked full-time, and Saturday mornings continued to be filled with kid activities, leaving Saturday night and Sunday morning for family time. This was our first experience of living as a long distance family.
Dennis was fulfilled, and we survived, and the next opportunity arose at the same company. This time out of state: Eastern Kentucky, a far cry from the suburbs of St. Louis. He was happy enough with the company and salary, that we knew it was time to relocate.
Leaving St. Louis
We sat the boys down to discuss the move. A few tears were shed, but not as many as you’d expect from six and eight year olds. But we also had a couple of bribes in the chamber: Since the area we were moving to was pretty rural, we promised to look for a house with some land, and we’d get a dog. Also, I would be quitting work so that I could be home with them full time. It probably had more to do with the promise of a dog than me quitting work, but they were onboard! One of the biggest perks was that we’d no longer be a long distance family!
We started working with a realtor to sell our home, I began the process of resigning from work, and Dennis relocated to an apartment in our new town, which was a six hour drive away. Our house needed a bit of work before putting it on the market, so Dennis drove home each weekend to work on it. This almost killed our marriage and made us regret our decision! It was awful. It was too much work, we still had the kids and their homework and activities, and I was still working. We did not have the time or energy for projects such as clearing the garage, painting walls, tiling floors, and repairing wood. Not to mention packing and downsizing, and putting things in storage. In hindsight, we should have hired someone to do the work that was too big or time-consuming for us. 0 out of 5 stars
A man, a plan, a canal, Panama!
Our next adventure was another bribe: A last hurrah of having two incomes. Our first cruise! We set sail from Los Angeles, headed south through the Panama Canal, and finally emerged in Miami. Two full weeks of close family time, where we had nowhere to be outside of port excursions, technology was essentially useless, and we were together 24/7. It was just what our no longer long distance family needed to kick off our new adventure. 5 out of 5 stars!
Kentucky: The Bluegrass State
When we returned to Kentucky, it was time to start school for the spring semester. The boys had come from large schools in one of the best school districts in Missouri, so we were concerned about what our options were. We’d heard of a laboratory school, which was located on the local university’s campus and used for training new teachers and educational research. We put the kids on the waitlist, and in the meantime, enrolled them into the local elementary school.
We really lucked out with the local elementary school. The principal and staff were amazing, the building and facilities were brand new and very modern. They had programs for various learning levels, so they were able to work ahead in the subjects they were already mastering. The kids were making new friends and adjusting nicely.
In St. Louis, the boys had been taking taekwondo for three years, so we looked for a school where they could continue training. While we weren’t able to find a taekwondo school, we did find an amazing karate school. The boys were willing to give it a try, and it ended up being a great decision. It provided fitness and familiarity to their routine while they settled into their new surroundings.
Our New Kentucky Home
We were in the townhome for about five months, until we found the house we promised the boys. It was in the foothills of the Appalachian mountains in a darling artsy, hippie town. The house was on 13 mostly wooded acres and shared a pond with a nearby neighbor. It was perfect! It needed a lot of work. In fact, it was put on the market as-is. We were able to see past that, and pictured ourselves gazing out the large windows in the front, sipping coffee on the wrap-around porch, and hiking up the wooded hill in the back. Completely enveloped in secluded nature.
Knowing we had a lot of work to do on the house, we had another priority that came first. We started our inaugural summer break where the boys didn’t have to go to summer camps, because I’d be at home with them. Summer was here, and we could do whatever we wanted!
We set off for a road trip where we could visit family. Memorial Day weekend is when we have our annual family reunion in southern Missouri, so we started there. Then, the boys and I drove with my sister, brother-in-law and nephew to their lake house in Arkansas. We spent a week camping, boating, and eating barbecue, and decided this would have to become our new annual tradition.
Georgie!
Our new family member
When we returned to Kentucky, we started working on the new house. We moved in around the time the boys started back to school. Over the summer, we received the call that Jack had been accepted into the laboratory school just in time to start fifth grade. This school was perfect for him, with smaller class sizes and project-oriented work. Ben was still pretty far down on the wait list and had to stay in the local elementary school, but he was thriving and making friends. But the absolute best part of that year also happened after we moved in. We adopted the boys’ first dog, Georgie; a chihuahua+other terrier mix rescue pup. He was about 9 months old and had already been adopted and returned. He was perfect for us. 4.5 out of 5 stars!
The next couple of years in Kentucky were idyllic. Dennis bought a tractor in order to help maintain our land. Georgie and the boys had 13 acres to explore. We cleaned and updated the house as much as time and our budget would allow. Dennis added a rope swing. I started a huge vegetable garden and began to research chicken coops.
Work was going well for Dennis until suddenly, with one change in management, it wasn’t. Luckily, around the same time, he was recommended for a short-term project. This time, in Colorado! We were about to become a long distance family again.
In our next post, we move from Kentucky to Colorful Colorado, and how Dennis ended up living and working in DC. In the meantime, we’d love to hear your stories! How did you end up living in a long distance relationship (LDR) or a long distance family (LDF) like ours? Leave a reply below, or contact us using the Contact Us form.
